Enemies

As most of you know, I am a pretty normal person. I have some quirks, yes, but overall I'm pretty awesome.

I can get along with most humans, if I want to, and I can get along with most things in nature too.

But there are a few creatures in this world that I cannot coexist with peacefully.

I will now share this not-so-super-secret list with you:

Dogs: Over the years, my family had a fair share of household pets. Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, iguanas, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, fish... You know, the usual. Except for rats and iguanas, maybe.

Anyway, of all the creatures we allowed to roam our home, I usually liked the dogs best. Until horrible things happened to them. Like the puppy who died weeks after we got her, or the puppy that I found with my friends who had a whole host of problems (worms, fleas, a hernia...). Or the last dog my family had, Chief, a giant monster of a German shepherd who barked and dug and dug and barked and got muddy and barked. Somewhere between my favorite dog, Gunner, and the other dogs we had, I lost affection for them. Dogs bark and bite and slobber and leave hair every where and drool and they are so needy! I think, as a human, I should get the corner on being needy. So, I'm not a big fan of dogs anymore.

Cats: I liked one of the cats we had, name of Roo. He was kind of a special cat. And then he went away. After him, I've not so much cared for the species. They shed, they claw, they spray (if they are boys), they go through heat (if they are girls), they are so stuck up! Cats are like the pop stars of the animal kingdom. All the pretension with none of the right.

Ants: I hate ants. When I lived with Nanny in Tennessee over the summer, we had a little trouble with ants in her kitchen. About half of the time, Stephen and I ate at his apartment, because he worked more than I did and I would go over there and make him lunch or dinner before or after he went to work. But when we did eat at Nanny's, we would find ants in the cabinet or in the bread box. It was icky. So she got ant spray and they went away easily, if the counter was kept clean, which it was because Nanny is a machine and amazing like that.

When Stephen and I moved into our apt in Waco after the wedding, one of the first things we dealt with were ants. And they have been plaguing us ever since. We've tried ant spray, we've tried moving our food, and our latest trick has been vinegar (they don't like the smell). But they just keep coming back. It is not only inconvenient, annoying, and costly - because they keep infesting new food-, but it is also gross. I feel like they are on me all the time. I hate ants.

I suppose I could go on, but I expect I'll get grief for these as it is. Especially for the first one. For some reason, few people share my distaste of members of the canine species. I don't get it.

And now you know...

Tonight, I want to talk to you about something that is very close to my heart.

Jello.

J-E-L-L-O!!
It's aliiive! (You know you sang that in your head, or maybe out loud if you are Stephen Cowden or Sarah Lewis.)

I love jello. I can't explain it. We have a very special relationship.

I mean, what is not to love?
It's jiggly, it's tasty (basically colored sugar), and it's fun.

Jello is just fun.

There is no occasion when jello is not appropriate. I dare you think of a time when jello is inappropriate.

You can't!

Birthdays = good! Parties = good! Lunchtime = good! Dessert = good!
Thanksgiving = good!! Christmas = good!! Arbor Day = good!!
Weddings = good! Bat mitzvahs = good! Funerals = good!

There is no type of jello that is inappropriate. I dare you to think of a type of jello that is not appropriate.

It can't be done!

Plain jello, jello jigglers, jello with whipped cream, jello with fruit in it, jello with ice cream, jello and graham crackers, peanut butter and jello sandwiches!

Ok, the sandwich might be pushing it.... But still. You get my point.

Jello is delicious. Whether you're sick or healthy, old or young, tall or short.
In the summer, winter, spring or fall.

Jello is, and will always be, the universal unifier.

I have spoken.

Eccentricities

Getting married was fun.

I love being married to Stephen Andrew Cowden. It's been the best almost 4 months of my life.

That said, being married takes some adjustment. On both parties.

Stephen has some little quirks and so do I. Most are just normal 'living together for the first time' kind of things. A few are a little odder...

For instance:

Stephen has been playing the Doogie Howser, MD theme song when he blogs. He won't buy the song from iTunes. He just plays the 30 second clip over and over and over.

Several times a day I come up with new nicknames for Stephen. At first, they were normal things, like Honey or Stevie. As our marriage has progressed, his names have progressed to weirder ones, like Bebo, Monkey, Bear Bear, Husby, or most recently, Birtenugg... I don't know why, but I think they are funny. Most fade after a while, but the ones I've listed still come out regularly.

Stephen likes to invent projects for himself. His newest 2 are A) we are 'planning' a trip to Europe, meaning we have been researching mostly Western European countries to find places we'd like to go someday and learn a little about them, and B) he is creating a timeline (actually 3 timelines) that will show the progression of big events in history, the church and music. From 1AD to present.

Most mornings, I make Stephen bug-check my slippers. Just in case.

When one of us leaves to go to work, we do the "Max wave" from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Max, the Grinch's dog. He does the I-don't-know motion and then waves. If you havent' seen it, watch it. And that is what we do.

Stephen is really difficult to wake up most mornings. So I've found a method that works: I bounce on the bed and say "It's Up-Up time! It's Up-Up time!" and then I pull the covers back. He doesn't like it.

Sometimes, we talk in weird voices. And we pluralize words.

Ok, so most of the quirks are mine... But still. It's adjustment and that is the issue I wanted to address.

Fine. Not really. I just wanted to tell you some of the weird things we are learning about each other...

Weekend listing- Sunday edition

Go ahead, you can laugh.

If you know me well, you know that I have an irresistible pull to any kind of music and/or movies that are just awful. I like to call them "masterpieces of suckiness". Of course, I do like good music and movies too. There is really no in-between for me, though. It's either good or it's real bad.

So, today's list is simple. Now you can sympathize with my poor husband and some of my former roommates. I would apologize to them for my preferences, but they all love me enough that they accepted my eccentricities. Or at least didn't mock me behind my back. All mocking was done to my face, which I appreciated.

That said, I give you my list of favorite really bad music and/or movies*:

1. Get Over It: a lesser-known movie starring Ben Foster and Kirstin Dunst, Martin Short, Colin Hanks (Tom Hanks' son), Sisqo, Shane West- to name a few. I could list more, but I think you get the idea. This movie is hilarious! Is it lame and ridiculous? Absolutely. Does that diminish my love for it? Nope. If anything, it makes me love it more!

2. Grease 2: Starring a young Michelle Pfeiffer and the unknown Maxwell Caulfield, this delightful musical is awful. From the start, a very weak connection is linked to Grease, but it doesn't do much for the movie. The songs=lame. The dancing=lame. The dialogue=way way lame. But I love it. I love it so so so much.

3. Footloose*: Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, Chris Penn, John Lithgow. What a cast! Memorable lines? "Jump back!" "I thought this was a party?!? Let's dance!" And that is pretty much it. But the dialogue is priceless nonetheless, and Kevin Bacon's dancing is -in a word- awesome.

4. From Justin to Kelly: American Idol (season 1) winner Kelly Clarkson teams up with the runner-up Justin Guarinni (or something like that) to give the world a really really lame "musical". (I am using the term musical lightly). It is just rough. Bad music, bad dancing, bad talking, bad acting. It is the "perfect storm" of bad! And I adore it. I've seen it more times that I can count and I have the music on my iTunes. Good times.

5. Alex and Emma: A relatively unknown Luke Wilson and Kate Hudson film. Why is it relatively unknown? Because it is bad. Really bad. Luke Wilson is an author who has to write a book in 30 days or be killed by the Latin mafia. And Kate Hudson is a stenographer, to whom he dictates the book. To sum up the movie in one word: lame. But I love it! I can't explain these things.

6. N'SYNC*: I love them. All 3 CD's. I have favorite songs on every CD, but I also know every song on all the CD's. They are cheesy songs and funny songs and I can't get enough. I drive Stephen crazy wanting to listen to them in the car.

7. Dirty Dancing soundtrack: Could have been an example on the movies part, but I chose to single out the soundtrack. Mostly for songs like "She's Like the Wind" and "Love is Strange" and "Hungry Eyes". The whole CD is lame/awesome, but these three songs are the best. I could listen to them over and over.

8. Daniel Bedingfield: I only have one song of his left. I had his whole CD, but in my shift from Windows Media Player to iTunes I lost a lot of music. But I still have this one song: "If You're Not the One"... If you listened to the pop radio stations between 2002 and 2002, you would know this song. Or other DB classics like "He Don't Love You Like I Love You" or "I Gotta Get Thru This". He was much more popular in Europe than in the US, but to teen girls in 2002, he was the bomb.

9. Plus One*: What can I say? I have a thing for boy bands. I am fully aware that the "boy band fad" has long passed, but my love for them will never fade. I have an extra special love for Plus One, because I saw them twice in concert. And yes, I love love love the cheese-ball lyrics.

10. Lame musicals: I can't escape them. They are the heart and soul of my music collection. And I am not ashamed to say that I blast them in the car and sing along as often as I can. "Musicals" like Footloose, From Justin to Kelly, High School Musical, Grease 2, and Hairspray. These soundtracks offer fun, peppy, catchy (and yes, lame) songs to sing along to. And some songs are just downright hilarious.

There are many more I could list for you. Movies like 16 Candles, Hot Rod*, and the Will Ferrel version of Bewitched. Music from the likes of Miley Cyrus, Spice Girls, BBMak*, and the Jonas Brothers.

But my arguement has been and will always be: If I don't love the "masterpieces of suckiness", who will?

(This list was complied with help and mockery from Stephen Cowden)

*Some on this list I don't necessarily include on my list as "really bad" but I have gotten grief for loving them, so I'll include them on the list with an asterisk.

Weekend listing- Saturday edition

Hello ladies and gentlemen! Happy Saturday, and welcome to today's issue of Weekend listing!

Today's list is going be simple: Here is a basic list of the meals I make for dinner. I am getting bored with them and I think Stephen is too.

Your job is to give suggestions for new (cheap) yummy meals I can add to my repertoire.

Chicken and dumplings w/carrots

Pasta (in many variations) w/ veggies

Enchiladas and rice and tomatoes

Burritos and rice w/ veggies

Chicken stir-fry and rice

Zesty Italian chicken and baked potatoes w/ veggies

Fish and chips w/ veggies

Quesadillas w/ veggies

Broccoli cheese soup

Taco soup

Teriyaki chicken and rice w/ veggies

And that is about it. After rotating through these, some are getting boring. And some of the meals will be way too wrong for summer (like the soups).

This isn't a funny post, I"m sorry. But I think I could use some help here. And go!

Thanks!

(Tune in tomorrow for something funnier, I promise)

Whachamacalits?

Tonight, I was planning on sharing more of my Bebo/Baben story, but I'm just not in the mood, to tell you the truth.

Since it is my goal to blog every day until I get a permanent job, I'll have to come up with something to talk about....

I've got it! I'll write you a springtime haiku!

Sunshine spills to Earth
Birds sing of flower return
Fluff clouds fly away

And there you have it! Just the sort of thing to perk up the old bean!

Good night!

Once Upon a Time...

Today I was bored at work. I read all of The Catcher in the Rye. And I read most of another Wodehouse book. 7.5 hours is too much time to fill when all I do is answer the phone.

So I wrote my adorable husby a story. Part 1 anyway... And since I am lazy, I will now share it with you all as the post for today!

Not long ago, deep in a misty rain forest, there lived a happy little monkey named Bebo, Bebo the bonobo. Bebo was joyful and playful most of the time. There was only one thing that cast a shadow on his mirth: he was lonesome. He did have a few friends and some family. Every week he went to visit his old uncle Arpen and aunt Livian, who made their home above the waterfall. He occasionally played tag with the macaws in the treetops. His closest friend was Oompah the hippo, and they swam together in the watering hole sometimes. But still, Bebo wanted a companion, someone with whom he could share daily life. He had almost given up his search until...
One day, Bebo decided to go for a swim with Oompah. It was a very warm day and Bebo was eager to get to the watering hole. In his haste, Bebo was not watching where he was going. One minute, he was hustling along the forest floor; next thing he knew, he was in a dark, earthen pit. "Crumbs!” he said, for he felt he should have been paying better attention. He tried to climb out, but the walls of the pit were smooth with nothing to grab onto. Next, he tried jumping out, as he was usually a good jumper. But he'd hurt his tail in the fall and bouncing made it hurt even more. Bebo sat down, very upset. Being a very smart creature, he was usually able to get himself out of predicaments like the one he found himself in, but this time his super brain was stumped. So he sat there, watching shadows appear as the sun set.

Over at the watering hole, Oompah the hippo was starting to worry. Bebo was late for their swim. Oompah started calling, "Bebo! Bebo? Bebo?!?” hoping to hear an answer. Oompah was just about to get out of the water and try to look for his friend when he heard a noise in the trees above him. The sun was setting overhead, so it was with squinty eyes that he viewed the figure. "Bebo!” he cried, "Where have you been? I was worried!" As the monkey leapt lightly to the ground, Oompah blushed. For the monkey in front of him was not Bebo. It was a female he had never seen. She said, "I'm sorry! I heard shouting and I thought that someone was calling my name. I'm Baben. You were the one shouting, right? But I don't know you, so you probably weren't calling my name, were you? What were you shouting?" Baben spoke so fast that Oompah could hardly keep up, but after a minute he replied, "I was calling for my friend Bebo. He was supposed to meet me today to have a swim." Oompah looked so worried that Baben offered to go look for him. Oompah brightened and showed her the direction that Bebo should be coming from. So Baben took off in the trees.

Back in his little hole, Bebo was becoming more and more afraid. Surely a hunter had built this trap and Bebo was afraid the hunter would return soon. Bebo started talking to himself, scolding himself really. "You silly monkey!” he said, "This should teach you to walk on the ground... You should be traveling through the trees, like all the other monkeys!" Just then, he heard soft laughter, coming from a tree next to his hole. Bebo looked up in shock. Hanging from a low branch was a female monkey. "Hello!” said Bebo, "Why are you laughing?" The female laughed again and said, "You are sitting in a hole and talking to yourself. It's a little funny." Bebo looked up at her indignantly. "It is not funny” he said angrily, "I am stuck here and I can't get out!' As the female swung to the ground, she asked coyly, "Would you like me to help you out?"

TO BE CONTINUED!!

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head...

If there is one thing I love, it is rain. (also, my husband and family and friends... ok, i love lots of things, but this is about rain!)

Rainsticks are fun, but I prefer the real deal.

Rain is one of my very closest friends. I think my years in Washington gave me an extra bit of appreciation for precipitation.

Although, let's get something straight. I am not a fan of all precipitation.
I mostly just like rain.

I don't really like snow all that much, or hail, or that weird freezing rain thing that Missouri liked to do.

But I do like rain. And the one thing that makes rain better is thunder and lightning! I love thunder storms. The best thing is to crawl into bed with a comfy blanket, and listen to the rain pitter-patter on the eves, and see the bright flashes of lightning slash through the sky, while loud peals of thunder shake the world.

Our little apartment is being doused right now, and thunder is booming outside, and the lightning so bright we almost don't need lights.

I want to go walk in the rain.

But I would probably get cold, and would definitely get soggy.

So I will settle for enjoying the rain from inside our cozy warm apartment.

:)

Public Service Announcement

Today I want to talk about something very serious:

Papercuts.

That's right, I said papercuts!

Did you know that 7 out of every 8 people suffer from at least one papercut a day?
True story.

Today, my poor hands were subjected to multiple papercuts. At least a dozen, I'd say. And most anyone who knows me knows that I don't like blood, especially my own! Can you imagine the horror I dealt with today when I nearly bled to death from severe paper cuts??

So here is what I am proposing: Let's get rid of all the paper! All of it. The business world is already going paperless, tree-huggers will be delighted since it means no more cutting down trees for paper (they'll still have to talk to the beavers...), and, sure the band-aid industry will lose a little business, but I'll still wear them and band-aid makers get about half their money from me anyway, so they'll be fine.

The bottom line is, papercuts are dangerous. Deadly, even. And the only way to put a stop to them is to stop using paper.

I have spoken!

What would you do?

Well, I started a temporary job today. It only lasts through Friday. And I discovered that all I will be doing is answering the phone. Which rang roughly 15 times during the 7.5 hours I was in the office.

What does this mean? Loads of time, and I need stuff to occupy those loads. Today I read through all of Code of the Woosters, an excellent book by P.G. Wodehouse, and about half of To Kill a Mockingbird, the Harper Lee classic. Tomorrow brings another 7.5 hours. I'll probably finish To Kill a Mockingbird, but what else should I do this week?

Here is a statement I thought I'd never make: I need more books. I've read through my entire collection of books in the last year, between living in Cleveland (and only working about 10 hours a week) and not having a job here in Waco. Stephen has a lot of books I haven't read, but they aren't my type of books. Nonfiction... Yikes.

Anyway, I'll have to think of things to do. At SBU when I got bored at the Physical Plant or at the Writing Center (my senior year) I would take a coloring book and crayons and color. But I fear that the two gentlemen I am working for may not find that odd habit as endearing as my bosses at the PP and my professors in the WC did...

Does this post count as below puddle-depth-ness? Maybe, but I suppose I am allowed to change my mind. I mean, I can't dish out the funny all the time.

But I'll leave you with an awesome joke:

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Any guesses???

"Where's my tractor??"

Ah! Best joke ever...

Sounds

Today was a long day, so you all get a short post. So I've decided to share with you the top 10 sounds I find more appealing than the sound my phone makes when the battery is low:

10. Car alarms
9. Sniffling
8. Scraping spoons on stainless steel cookware
7. Dogs barking
6. That low pitched humming noise that you aren't quite sure where it's coming from
5. Water dripping from the faucet
4. Almost on-key but still off-key music
3. Loud gum chewing
2. The garbage truck shaking a dumpster (usually at 4 in the morning!)
1. Dial-up internet

Qualifications

Since I don't have a job right now and since my adorable husband is at work for the next 5 hours, I've decided to complie a list of all the jobs that I wish I were somehow qualified for:

1. Grape stomper
2. Nuclear physicist
3. Lion tamer
4. Genie in a lamp
5. Professional narcisisst
6. Infomercial spokesperson
7. Peanut butter maker
8. Zookeeper
9. Air horn inspector
10. Pen tester
11. Falafalist
12. Mural critic
13. Shoe maker
14. Professional couch sitter
15. International woman of mystery
16. Sidewalk chalk artist
17. Grilled cheese resturant owner
18. Balloon animal maker (I actually did that in high school for a little while!)
19. Professional dresser
20. Pyrotechnician

And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. In the above list, I might find my new career. Although I'm guessing there is little need for a lion tamer in Waco. Or an international woman of mystery. I might have to go abroad to become the female James Bond... Hmmm.

And now for something completly different

Well, if my husband can start a blog, so can I!

I really don't have much to say. Most of what I say is stolen from tv shows, movies, and songs. So that will probably be a significant part of my postings. But I should decide what type of blogger I'll be. As you know, in a blog-type setting like this, a person can go one of two ways:

1. They can go the deep, philosophical route. Quote learned thinkers and all that junk. Talk about deep issues and, and... You know. Deep stuff. Really delve into their souls and pour it out into the blogosphere. Try to be like Homer, Shakespeare, or Ovid.

OR

2. They can go the zany route. Quote Big Bird. Talk about surface issues, nothing deeper than a puddle. Really shallow stuff. No soul delving.

I think I'm going for 2. Less like Ovid, more like Dr. Seuss. Hopefully if you read this, you'll learn a random fact, hear a funny story, or just walking away scratching your head thinking, "Did I really just read 500 words on why dog barks are so irritating? Yes, yes I did and I loved it".
Because sometimes nothing is so much more fun than lots of somethings.

Oops, getting deeper than a puddle. Gotta back up.... Um...
Lorax is a funny word! (<---First (of many) HIMYM reference. That's for you, Sarah... and all the other HIMYM fans.)
There we go.

Welcome, enjoy, and if you don't think I'm funny, don't tell me, cause I think I'm funny.