Musical life

I have this secret desire.

I want to be in a Broadway musical.

Don't laugh. It's true.

Now, I realize that for the last several years I have been slightly adamant about the fact that I no longer enjoy singing in public.

That is still very very true.

However, I can't help it.

Whenever I'm alone in the apartment, I crank up some tunes and I sing my little heart out.

Mostly in the shower, but still.

Or in the car, when I'm driving somewhere without Stephen (which isn't often) I like to belt it out.

The closest I've come to really singing in public in the last 2 years is at the karaoke bar with my sister Sarah.

But that doesn't really count. (It doesn't count as singing in public unless at least half, no, at least 3/4 of the audience is sober.

And yet, there is a very strong part of me that wants to perform again.

One of the happiest times of my life was during the 2 weeks of performances for Children of Eden, the musical I was in my senior year of high school.

Music wise, it was the best performance experience of my life.

Every night, I would go in and do my makeup and put on my costume for the first part of act 1. And the show night high would start.

And then I'd start to drag just before intermission.

But in the opening number of act 2, I'd get my second wind and I'd feel even higher than in act 1.

And then, at the end, when we all stood and took our bows, it just felt magical.

There is something magical about being on stage.

It was a high I'd not felt until those 2 weeks and I haven't felt it since.

Performing in a choir/ensemble isn't the same.

In the musical, I got to be someone else. I felt what that character felt through the music.

When I sing show tunes in the shower, or when I'm cleaning the kitchen, I get to pretend that I am in this other place and that I am someone else.

It's freeing.

So there you have it.

My dark secret, that isn't a secret anymore, because I posted it on my blog.

I'm pretty sure I won't be in a Broadway musical. Shoot, I doubt I'd even have the courage to audition for one.

And I suppose I could try to do community theatre or something.

But it's not the same.

The big production, the fancy lights and sets, the feel of the big audience, the band or orchestra playing...

I guess I'll just watch Glee instead!