Thursday, August 11, 2011

Here I go again...

I may never actually be a grown-up.

It's true.

For although I went to college, graduated with a Bachelor's in English, got married (and moved to Texas - ewww), I apparently still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

I've had approximately 1,000 jobs since I graduated.

OK not 1,000, but it feels like it.

And all the things I think I want to do seem just outside my reach.

For instance, with my English degree I thought I'd pursue a position in editing. Masters of Editing program, internship, then entry-level copy editing...

Um, God apparently had other plans, cause I married Stephen and we moved to Texas.

So there went the Masters, and the (unpaid) internships (cause although he may not look it, Stephen is a gold-digger).

And while I still get to use my editor-ing skills on small stuff at my current job and editing Stephen's school papers, I'm not that crazy about editing anymore. I think maybe I'd like it, if I could get my editing dream job, but that dream has kind of fizzled.

I've toyed with the idea of trying culinary school again. There are schools around with programs I could enter, but it would have to be part time, and once I was finished, even if I got a good job at a good restaurant, I'd probably work most evenings for dinner and this would be a tiring thing with Stephen in school and nights being my best time to see him.

And then there are kids. Someday (I emphasize, SOMEDAY), we'd like to have a couple kids. And, while I know that most people have jobs when they are preggo and then after the kids, suddenly, I feel like I could be a stay-at-home momma...

How weird is that?

I promise, this is not an option I would have considered in my younger days. But, lately, I can see it.

So I don't know. I feel sort of lost. Like a high-school senior who has no idea what they want to do after graduation. Like a kid on Career Day who just doesn't know what they want to be when they grow up.

But here are the things I do know: Jesus loves me, even in my indecision. And he knows what I'm going to do even if I don't. Stephen loves me and is incredibly patient with my job switching and my unknowingness. My family and friends love me, even if they didn't know all this before reading my post.

So at least I have a few constants in my sea of inconsistency.

And the constants are my favorite part.


  1. I do LOVE you! No matter what you decide to do with your life. And really, no job is too menial or small. I mean-- God puts us where we are for a reason. It's all part of His big design-- even though we can't see why.

    But also, if you want to become a chef- then I will hire you to be my personal chef. And I will teach your children. I feel this is a fair trade.

  2. I am on board with this idea!! But do I really need culinary school to be your personal chef? Not to be boastful, but I can already cook pretty well, unless you want to throw fancy-schmancy dinner parties, in which case I might need culinary school to brush up on fancy cuisine...

  3. I love you. True story. And I feel your swirl of indecision. You may not have meant to, but this post was an encouragement to me.

    Love you.