Reader Discretion is Advised

I would say 'Happy Saturday', but this is one of the blackest Saturdays I've ever faced.

The story I am about to share is not for the faint of heart. It will disturb you.

This I promise.

I know you were all looking forward to a weekend listing.
I was.

But, sometimes things happen that change your whole life.

This is one of those stories.

Stephen and I were headed to Wal-Mart this afternoon to buy groceries.

We made our list and we were all set to go. I just needed to grab something to go over the shirt I had on.

So I went to my closet and put on my brown hoodie-type thing.

***********(This is where it gets awkward/awful)*****************

I was about to zip it up when I felt something in my shirt.

Assuming it was just hair, I reached to remove it.

It was a spider.

A SPIDER!

It had been roosting on my brown hoodie-type thing and crawled onto me.

I flipped.

I stripped.

I screamed.

And started shaking and crying.

(I shudder just thinking back. Big convulsive shudders)

So Stephen came in to see what the commotion was and I less than calmly screamed "Spider in my shirt!!!"

So he searched the floor, found the spider and killed it.

I couldn't stop shaking.

I was convinced it bit me.

I am still convinced it bit me.

So, if in a few days I die, or become Spider-woman, be on alert.

This could happen to you. I wasn't prepared. But I am now.

Stephen will not only bug-check my slippers, but he will be spider checking my entire closet before I will go near it.

I may never wear that brown hoodie-thing again.

Let my story caution you. I hope none of you have to face the horrors that I did. I hope none of you have to go to sleep at night and dream about the spider that attacked you.

(This is a Public Service Announcement and a true story)

Apologies!

Peeps,

I am so sorry I didn't blog for your enjoyment yesterday.

You see, I've been feeling under the weather.

I've never understood that phrase. Aren't we always under whatever weather is happening?

So, I've been feeling quite sickly. In fact, I was unable to report to work today, because I spent most of the late night/early morning resting on the bathroom floor.

Also, I fell asleep around 900 last night. My sweet Husby woke me up around 930, I guess and helped me move from the couch to our bed.

It's been an unpleasant few days for me. But I think I am starting to get better.

However, I'm still not 100%, so you'll have to accept my excuses, as this is all the blog you'll get today.

Know that someday the funny will return to my bones and I'll have you chuckling to yourself in no time!

Until then, Anna, I feel like there is a bug crawling on my back/neck and it is all your fault.

Enemies

As most of you know, I am a pretty normal person. I have some quirks, yes, but overall I'm pretty awesome.

I can get along with most humans, if I want to, and I can get along with most things in nature too.

But there are a few creatures in this world that I cannot coexist with peacefully.

I will now share this not-so-super-secret list with you:

Dogs: Over the years, my family had a fair share of household pets. Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, iguanas, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, fish... You know, the usual. Except for rats and iguanas, maybe.

Anyway, of all the creatures we allowed to roam our home, I usually liked the dogs best. Until horrible things happened to them. Like the puppy who died weeks after we got her, or the puppy that I found with my friends who had a whole host of problems (worms, fleas, a hernia...). Or the last dog my family had, Chief, a giant monster of a German shepherd who barked and dug and dug and barked and got muddy and barked. Somewhere between my favorite dog, Gunner, and the other dogs we had, I lost affection for them. Dogs bark and bite and slobber and leave hair every where and drool and they are so needy! I think, as a human, I should get the corner on being needy. So, I'm not a big fan of dogs anymore.

Cats: I liked one of the cats we had, name of Roo. He was kind of a special cat. And then he went away. After him, I've not so much cared for the species. They shed, they claw, they spray (if they are boys), they go through heat (if they are girls), they are so stuck up! Cats are like the pop stars of the animal kingdom. All the pretension with none of the right.

Ants: I hate ants. When I lived with Nanny in Tennessee over the summer, we had a little trouble with ants in her kitchen. About half of the time, Stephen and I ate at his apartment, because he worked more than I did and I would go over there and make him lunch or dinner before or after he went to work. But when we did eat at Nanny's, we would find ants in the cabinet or in the bread box. It was icky. So she got ant spray and they went away easily, if the counter was kept clean, which it was because Nanny is a machine and amazing like that.

When Stephen and I moved into our apt in Waco after the wedding, one of the first things we dealt with were ants. And they have been plaguing us ever since. We've tried ant spray, we've tried moving our food, and our latest trick has been vinegar (they don't like the smell). But they just keep coming back. It is not only inconvenient, annoying, and costly - because they keep infesting new food-, but it is also gross. I feel like they are on me all the time. I hate ants.

I suppose I could go on, but I expect I'll get grief for these as it is. Especially for the first one. For some reason, few people share my distaste of members of the canine species. I don't get it.

Eccentricities

Getting married was fun.

I love being married to Stephen Andrew Cowden. It's been the best almost 4 months of my life.

That said, being married takes some adjustment. On both parties.

Stephen has some little quirks and so do I. Most are just normal 'living together for the first time' kind of things. A few are a little odder...

For instance:

Stephen has been playing the Doogie Howser, MD theme song when he blogs. He won't buy the song from iTunes. He just plays the 30 second clip over and over and over.

Several times a day I come up with new nicknames for Stephen. At first, they were normal things, like Honey or Stevie. As our marriage has progressed, his names have progressed to weirder ones, like Bebo, Monkey, Bear Bear, Husby, or most recently, Birtenugg... I don't know why, but I think they are funny. Most fade after a while, but the ones I've listed still come out regularly.

Stephen likes to invent projects for himself. His newest 2 are A) we are 'planning' a trip to Europe, meaning we have been researching mostly Western European countries to find places we'd like to go someday and learn a little about them, and B) he is creating a timeline (actually 3 timelines) that will show the progression of big events in history, the church and music. From 1AD to present.

Most mornings, I make Stephen bug-check my slippers. Just in case.

When one of us leaves to go to work, we do the "Max wave" from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Max, the Grinch's dog. He does the I-don't-know motion and then waves. If you havent' seen it, watch it. And that is what we do.

Stephen is really difficult to wake up most mornings. So I've found a method that works: I bounce on the bed and say "It's Up-Up time! It's Up-Up time!" and then I pull the covers back. He doesn't like it.

Sometimes, we talk in weird voices. And we pluralize words.

Ok, so most of the quirks are mine... But still. It's adjustment and that is the issue I wanted to address.

Fine. Not really. I just wanted to tell you some of the weird things we are learning about each other...